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Full Interview

Petey Deabreu TRANSCRIPT 8/20/20

Ziwe: Hi!

Petey DeAbreu: Yo!

Ziwe: Petey!

Petey DeAbreu: What’s poppin?

Ziwe: How are you doing, Petey?

Petey DeAbreu: I'm doing good, yo. I like, you see, my background is a giraffe, and you got the ferns, though?

Ziwe points to her plant wallpaper. Petey is in front of a wall with a painted giraffe.

Petey DeAbreu: What are we doing right now?

Ziwe: We are representing for the diaspora. Which reminds me, are you a Dominican man?

Petey DeAbreu: Nah, yo. So, my mom, my mom's family is from St. Croix. Virgin Islands. My father's family is from Guyana…

Ziwe: Wow!

Petey DeAbreu: … in South America, right. And, but my grandmother…it's like, you know, I mean, you know how the slavery trade and all that works. Not to get too crazy too fast, but you know, I'm sayin.

Ziwe: Shout out. I didn't realize that you were the United Nations of guests.

Petey DeAbreu: Yeah.

Ziwe: It's so great to interview you. Let's just start off, what does black love mean to you, Petey?

Petey DeAbreu: Black love…that's like, that's like somebody that’s gonna hold you down. That's unconditional, feel me? Black love is unconditional.

Ziwe: How many dark skinned women have you dated, Petey?

Petey DeAbreu: Uh, probably, I don't have a number, I don't have a number on the top of my head, but probably like upwards to like eight, something like that.

Ziwe: Eight.

Petey DeAbreu: Maybe less, give or take eight. I would say eight cause I don't want to say five. You know I’m saying? But yeah, you know I’m saying, like eight. Upwards to eight.

Ziwe: Okay, interesting, interesting. Eight black women that you've been in love with.

Petey DeAbreu: I’m not -- you said, you said chocolate, you know I'm saying?

Ziwe: Yeah, chocolate.  

Petey DeAbreu: You didn’t say just black. Cause if you wanna say black, it’s more than eight. You know what I mean?

Ziwe: How many people?

Petey DeAbreu: There’s different, different flavors…listen, the different flavors of black, you know I'm saying?

Ziwe: Tell me about the flavors of black.

Petey DeAbreu: I'm just saying, like I'm light skinned, like you said you thought Dominican. I'm the lightest…I'm not the lightest because I know albinos and I know Jamaicans lighter than me, you feel me, so I'm like, but there you got, it’s so many, so imagine from the darkest complexion to the lightest complexion of black people, you know I'm saying, like we just…it's different.

Ziwe laughs.

Petey DeAbreu: Black people different, you know I'm saying, I say there’s more…what's the word? Gradient, you feel me? Is that the word, gradient? Like it go like [BRUUUP] type shit, you feel me? And I like all the complexions.

Ziwe: [BRUUUP]

Petey DeAbreu: [BRUUP], you feel me? That’s how it sound when you go through all of the, the… I don’t know all the words, but you know what I’m talking about.

Ziwe: I know what you're talking about. Also shout out to BX all day. I love the BX. BX reminds me of where I'm from, Lawrence Massachusetts, so shout out to y'all.

Petey DeAbreu: Respect, respect.

Ziwe: What's your wildest BX story?

Petey DeAbreu: [Exhales]

Ziwe: Don’t confess to a crime.

Petey DeAbreu: The first time I got robbed, I got punched in the face and somebody took my chain off the –

Ziwe: Oh my god.

Petey DeAbreu: -- back of the bus, but I have, I have burglarized the crib, but I was a kid.

Ziwe: Don’t admit to crimes, Petey!

Petey DeAbreu: I was a kid, though. That's, it’s like back, I was young, back in the days, and Karma hit me so. Come on, Karma took me to court. I was guilty.

Ziwe: Okay, what do you qualitatively like about the black community?

Petey DeAbreu: Hold on. Say that again.

Ziwe: What do you qualitatively like about the black community?

Petey DeAbreu: The black community is where I'm from. That's my, my family like, that's who, you know I'm saying, is different. Cause then it's like, I'm from poverty. I'm from poor people. And I'm black, you know I'm saying, so it's like a whole nother, like, when you together it’s different, like that's black love really when you just sticking together like everybody, when you look around, and yo, let me borrow some sugar. You know what I mean? You got some sugar I can borrow, watch my kids. That's, that's, that's where I'm from. Know I’m saying? That’s community. Community to me like that's what it is like, everybody watches each other’s back for the most part.

Ziwe: I feel that. Have you ever called the police on someone before?

Petey DeAbreu: Absolutely not.

Ziwe: If I, if a black woman like myself, like stabs you in an alleyway, and you're, you're bleeding out and you have a phone. You need to call someone to save your life –

Petey DeAbreu: Listen –

Ziwe: What would you do?

Petey DeAbreu: You an empress. I'mma take that stab, and I’m gonna say I probably deserved that, you feel me? And if I live, I’m posed to live, and if I die, I'm posed to die, you feel me? Cause when the Empress stabs you, that's what happened, you gotta take that and just take that. Feel me? I don't call the cops on you. I deserved it.

Ziwe: Just as a follow up, how many women have stabbed you, Petey?

Petey DeAbreu: I've never been stabbed. I got slapped once, you feel me –

Ziwe: What did you do?

Petey DeAbreu: -- and that shit hurt. What’d I do?

Ziwe: Yeah.

Petey DeAbreu: I ate that shit. I said [HUMMPH]

Petey mimes taking a bite.

Petey DeAbreu: C’mon! What you think I said? I said [HUMMPH]. And then I was like aight, and then I left cause, you know, that's just how I was raised. I ain't gonna be aggressive and none of that, to really to nobody, you know, especially not to women though.

Ziwe: Are you a fuck boy? Like are you trifling?

Petey DeAbreu: Nah, I used to be though. I ain’t gonna hold you. I’m rehabilitated though, you know. I'm self-rehabilitated, you feel me.

Ziwe: You're a rehabilitated fuck boy. What was the, what were your messy ways beforehand? Like how were you treating black women poorly back in the day?

Petey DeAbreu: I mean, I was just treating women period like poorly, you feel me. Like I was, especially, I was just like, I don’t know, I didn't have no substance to me when I was a young, you know, when I was a young lad, you feel me. But now, I be like I just found out about like non-monogamous shit. Yo, it’s lit! Why nobody told me about that. I'm out here being a creep this whole time, when I could have been like, yo, you cool with being open, and then they'd be like, yeah or no, and then you keep it moving, you feel me. But nah, I definitely was a fuckboy because I didn't know about non, non-monogamous relationships. So I was a serial monogamist and then I'm just like, you know, getting my little swerve on on the side sometimes, but that wasn't right in hindsight. You know I’m sayin. That’s big fuckboy shit. Leading shorties on, you know I'm saying, I used to be lead-er-on-er-er, but now, but now I be like keeping, I put all my cards on the table. Boom, is what it is. It sha boy.

Ziwe: Okay, how do you, how do you let a black woman know that like you value her, that you're interested in her, that you want to start like a long, committed relationship with her?

Petey DeAbreu: I don't know about the long, committed relationship because your boy is short term lease right now, you feel me. I ain't really, it's like we got, a lot of it is conversation, you feel me, like if I can talk to you, and it's like you make me feel bubbly on the inside, and you be like tickling my brain, you feel me? That's the first thing, and then like, you know, black women is the mothers of the earth. I don't know if you knew that, you feel me. So that's always gonna be held at high praises.

Ziwe: And just for the record, are you single? Because people in the comments want to know.

Petey DeAbreu: Yeah, big single, you heard me. Come on, non-monogamy, baby. Um, big single, but you know, we just out here, post-Rony, but it's still Rony times, but it's not crazy Rony, you know?

Ziwe: Okay, people are asking, they want to know more about the giraffe decal, where did you get it?

Petey DeAbreu: Oh, I'm at my homegirl crib right now. My homegirl Mekahlah crib. She be painting and shit, so she painted that on the wall one day. She was probably high with something, not to give away her insider trading secrets, but yeah, she be painting and shit. She got some ferns over there too, if you wanted to fern it up.

Ziwe: Okay, interesting.

Petey DeAbreu: But it’s dark over there, there’s no light on.

Ziwe: Petey, can you name five white people off the top of your head?

Petey DeAbreu: Five white people?

Ziwe: Sure.

Petey DeAbreu: Um, the devil. I’m just kidding.

Petey laughs.

Petey DeAbreu: Let me think. Let me think. I gotta think. George Washington. He was like European white man, yo. White people. Oh my homegirl Lindsay's white since she’s probably watching this, shout out to Lindsay. She’s one of the good ones. Um, who else? Ummm…I know white comics and shit like my homegirl Courtney. She’s married to Casey. He's also white. That’s two white people that married one another. Um, that's like five right there, right? Or that’s four?

Ziwe: It beats me.

Petey DeAbreu: You still counting? You counting or no?

Ziwe: It’s been a long journey.

Petey DeAbreu: Listen, it's cause I'm trying to give you every ounce of me. Know I’m saying? This is a high honor to be with Ziwe, the god, the empress, you feel me.

Ziwe: Yeah, sure. What, how did you celebrate Juneteenth, Petey?

Petey DeAbreu: Oh, I had a…we was lit…I had my peoples all over, my peoples. We had a band playing, we, there was music, live band music. It was lit. We was going, and it was fireworks. We was in Harlem so, you know, there was fireworks going crazy on Juneteenth, but it was, that was the precursor to July 4th.

Ziwe: And by the way, who are your favorite black authors?

Petey DeAbreu: Boom. Favorite black authors?

Ziwe: Yeah.

Petey DeAbreu: You cause I know you're working on a book. You said that earlier. So before that even come out, you know you top shelf. Duh. Who else? I like, I like, I like, I like, I like Langston Hughes, duh. Know I'm saying. I don’t really, can I be honest with you, though? Can I be honest with you?

Ziwe: Yeah, be honest. Have you not been being honest this whole time?

Petey DeAbreu: No, I’ve been being honest, but I'm gonna double down on the honesty right now, you ready? This might come as a surprise though so don't look at me no type of different way, but like I don’t even be reading like that, yo. I just be listening to n*ggas Know I’m saying? I’m more of a listener than a reader-er. Like I listen, you know I'm saying. I be listening to people that should write books.

Ziwe: Who are you listening to?

Petey DeAbreu: My whole life, I'm saying right now, my friends, people I'm around, people, cuz it's Rona times. I can't be listening to everybody because droplets get in my face and shit. I can't afford all of that so I'm listening to my direct, immediate circle. But before that, you know, my whole life, mama love, Nana, everybody, yo, my family, my neighborhood, people at church. I grew up in church, Baptist church. I just grew up, you know, listening to my people. Barber shop. Everywhere I go, I listen. So, that's enough for me, and then I can Google. I'm a Googler. Anything I want to know, I Google. What I need books for? To imagine? I just go for a walk. Smoke a blunt, go for a walk.

Ziwe: Go for a walk. Listen. Famously –

Petey DeAbreu: Dr. Seuss was black, wasn't he?

Ziwe: Dr. Seuss. I don't know if he's a confirmed black man, but I’ll have my researchers –

Petey DeAbreu: Wasn't, what’s that dude's name, the composer, they found out he was black, recently.

Ziwe: Oh, Beethoven.

Petey DeAbreu: Beethoven on the beats, what?

Ziwe: Did you read that on Google, by the way? Where’d you hear that?

Petey DeAbreu: That was on social media. You know your boy go to social media first thing in the morning for all of the latest news.

Ziwe: Okay, what's your favorite news outlet by the way?

Petey DeAbreu: Instagram.

Ziwe laughs.

Petey DeAbreu: Fuck is wrong with them? You shittin me? I'm on Instagram. A meme will give you everything you need to know, really. You put the context clues together after that.

Ziwe: Would you put, would you put memes and James Baldwin's The Fire Next Time in the same category as far as like what they give to culture?

Petey DeAbreu: Nothing, nothing gives to culture like James Baldwin, you know I'm saying, so…nah. I don't even know what you talking about, but you put James Baldwin, so I’m like nah. Nothing can compare to that. That’s like a fucking draw four card you just dropped on me.

Ziwe: Okay. Okay, here's another question for you. Okay, let's, we’re going to go through black civil rights leaders, and you tell me what is the first like, first sentence that comes to mind. Okay?

Petey DeAbreu: Mhmm.

Ziwe: Martin Luther King.

Petey DeAbreu: He had a dream, you feel me. Lit. Everybody knew that. Montgomery.

Ziwe: Montgomery. I feel you. Okay, Ida B. Wells.

Petey DeAbreu: Um, I gotta read more, but lit cause she black. It was a shorty?

Ziwe: Yes, she is a woman.

Petey DeAbreu: Black. Lit. What she did? Tell me, tell me.

Ziwe: She was a very, really meticulous journalist. And so she would document lynchings in the early 20th century and actually created one of the first databases in American history.

Petey DeAbreu: So you’re saying, it wouldn't be no Ancestry.com without Ida B. Wells taking notes and writing stuff down.

Ziwe: I did not say that. Okay –

Petey DeAbreu: That's what it sounded like you say, like subliminally, subliminally.

Ziwe: I don’t think I said that. Assata Shakur.

Petey DeAbreu: Was she related to Tupac?

Ziwe: Yes!

Petey DeAbreu: Oh, lit! Revolutionary. Black Panther Party.

Ziwe: Yes.

Petey DeAbreu: Lit. That's just, I knew that from just following Tupac. I don't know who she is, but… it’s a she?

Ziwe: Yes, a she.

Petey DeAbreu: She lit then, come on.

Ziwe: Okay, Thurgood Marshall.

Petey DeAbreu: Oh, can I tell you a story about Thurgood Marshall?

Ziwe nods.

Petey DeAbreu: My last case that I caught, and when I had to go to sentencing, it was in February, what’s that? Black History Month, right.

Ziwe: Yeah.

Petey DeAbreu: And, and, and it was in the Thurgood Marshall building. And the judge was black. Shout out to Andrew Carter, you know I’m saying. And everybody in the room, like the stenographer and everybody, was, and everybody in the room was black, and my mom's was on the side, single black woman by herself, you feel me, up against these, you know, other people, other complexion in suits. And excuse me, and in my mind, I'm like they gotta let me go. It’s the Thurgood Marshall building, it’s Black History Month. I'm a black dude just trying to do the right thing, and they let me go. So Thurgood Marshall, you know, he's the first black person appointed to the Supreme Court I think, right?

Ziwe: Yeah, that was, again, a long walk to get there, but we got there.

Petey DeAbreu: Cause it's emotional. You asking me things, some things I don't know, that goes through my head, but if it's something that touch my vein, I gotta share it with you.

Ziwe: No, I love that –

Petey DeAbreu: This is the hottest platform out. You had a, you had a g-worth of people in one second. I don't know. You my only friend that I know got that power.

Ziwe: Okay, Petey. Wow. Okay, I'll ask you one more person. Do you know O.J. Simpson? One sentence.

Petey DeAbreu: I shook his hand one time in Tootsies in Florida, in Miami. This was a strip club. No, it's called The Booby Trap. I'm sorry. The Booby Trap. I shook his hand. It was like a glove. It was big.

Ziwe: Wow.

Petey DeAbreu: O.J.

Ziwe: Tthis has been the show. Thank you so much, Petey DeAbreu.

Petey DeAbreu: Oh, yo, thank you so much, y’all. I love you so much. Be safe.

Ziwe: Be safe. Honestly, guys, shout out to Petey DeAbreu, shout out. He’s the funniest, funniest comedian. Go follow him. He is hilarious. From the BX all day. Shout out to him. I think he is like one of the best stand ups out there, so go support.